50 Reasons You Should Read Fifty Shades of Grey
To mark Muses & Things’ 1st monthsary, we decided that this week’s theme will be all about our own “Firsts,” whatever that means to us. So for my “First” entry, I decided to write my first book review in this blog (actually it’s the first blog entry I’ve ever written in this blog that’s not about traveling or hiking or running). You see, I have a bookworm side too, and contrary to the impressions you may have on me based on my previous posts, I can, in fact, sit idly for hours–even days–just curled up with a book. And for the purpose I mentioned above, what could be more apt than reviewing “Fifty Shades of Grey,” arguably today’s most talked about fan fiction? If you’re one of the many people reluctant to read this book because of its famed content, you’ll be happy to know that I took it upon myself to read this book, so you, my dear reader, would never have to go through the excruciating process of weighing the pros and cons. What I discovered was that, I actually found 50 reasons why I think you should read it. Here they are, in no particular order.
1. You’re a bandwagoner.
2. You read all Twilight books, watched all Twilight movies, bookmarked all Twilight fanblogs on your browser, possesses movie posters of Edward and Jacob in all imaginable poses, and begged your mom to change your name to Bella.
3. You devoured Sweet Dreams and Precious Hearts Romance novelettes in the darkest corner of your room when you were 10.
4. You’ve never read a good erotic novel before.
5. You’re a housewife and you want to spruce up your…uhm…life.
6. You’re a housewife with a few hours to spare in between cooking and doing the laundry.
7. You’re a housewife.
8. You’re curious if the Amazon reviewer’s calculation of how many times Anastasia Steele blushed, flushed, turned red, gone ruby, went crimson, flushed scarlet, and bit her lip was accurate.
9. You didn’t pay for the epub version you downloaded from torrent.
10. You want to know how BDSM work or what it is–and if the “materials” can be DIYed using Home Depot products.
11. You’ve never watched porn.
12. You watch too much porn.
13. You heard it’s gonna be made into a movie, and Ryan Gosling could be playing Christian Grey.
14. You want to know how hot Christian Grey is.
15. You want to know what the incredibly hot Christian Grey can do with his hands.
16. You’ve heard conflicting views about the book, and you want to have your own opinion.
17. Actually, you just want to be part of the conversation.
18. You have a blogsite that needs to draw traffic.
19. You want to sound like you’re the type of person who reads.
20. You’re the author’s friend, family, or friend of the family’s friend, or someone remotely related, and you want to claim your fair share of undeserved glory.
21. You know the real name of the author and it’s not E.L. James.
22. You’ve written your own fan fiction before and you’re wondering why nothing this big has ever materialized for you.
23. You want to laugh.
24. You want to feel titillated without the burden of another human.
25. You want to feel titillated without exerting any effort. (Well, who doesn’t?)
26. You want to know why someone so clumsy and socially awkward would catch the attention and fancy of someone so young, gorgeous, and accomplished.
27. You are clumsy and socially awkward and you want to know why this has never happened to you.
28. You want to know if Christian Grey will turn into a vampire.
29. Your friend is squirming and smiling slyly in her seat while she’s reading the book.
30. You want to know if the story is redeemable without the “scenes.”
31. Your boyfriend/girlfriend is suddenly encouraging you to read it after his/her friend told him/her the synopsis.
32. You want to know why there are 50 shades of Grey.
33. You’re bored.
34. You want to know how many times a person can say “crap,” “holy crap,” “holy cow,” “holy hell,” “holy something,” “holy moses,” and “oh my” in a sentence.
35. You’re an aspiring fictionist, maybe even one of the best ones out there, and you’re wondering how a story so mediocre ended up in the hands of many.
36. You’re a Dominant.
37. You’re a Submissive.
38. You’ve fancied the Red Room of Pain.
39. You’re curious about the “contract.” In fact, you went through it line by line and even took the liberty to write your own “amendments” on your copy of the book.
40. You wonder how many people you know have secret lives, and if one of them is as disturbing as this.
41. You want to know how many times a person could cock his head to the side, tighten his mouth in a hard line or gasp in a span of 48 hours.
42. You want to know if the rumor about the grammatical errors were true.
43. You want to know if Christian Grey would turn out to be psychotic and will go on a bloody killing spree in the end.
44. You want to know if Christian Grey would suddenly snap out of his madness and kick the kinky habits for the sake of la la la love.
45. You want to know how many chapters you would last until you start doing something nasty…possibly one that involves fingers.
46. You want to know how many chapters you would last until you finally get sick of the book’s recurring theme, accept the fact that you wasted precious hours of your time, cut your losses, and finally call it quits.
47. You want to know why the hell do they need three books for all these.
48. You like an easy read, one that you can finish within a few hours, one that lets you escape from whatever tormenting reality you’re in, and one that doesn’t require much thinking.
49.You like erotic things, and we both know you don’t need 50 reasons to be convinced.
50. Because it’s generally not a bad read–just really undeserving of all the fame.
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